"I’ll
bet you know someone who believes the world revolves around them. Maybe you are one of these special
people. But I have to tell you, that if
one more person is trying to get into the trunk of my car while driving at
seventy miles per hour I think I am going to scream.
I don’t care
if it’s someone’s impatience when standing in line or waiting for a returned
phone call. Or, people who believe that
when they text or email you, you should have your cell phone or laptop
available at a moment’s notice and respond before you take your next breath –
these people need to understand that other than them, we have a life. Or, is it parents in a restaurant that let
their kids create chaos all around them while they scream and yell and you are
trying to have a romantic or business meal?
Know anyone
like this? Come on…. It seems that most
people today feel that they should be the center of everyone else’s world.
Maybe a
customer feels they are your only customer and you should respond to their
every request immediately or a supervisor who expects you to drop all of your
routine tasks to immediately respond to a request of theirs regardless of its
urgency.
I could give
you dozens more examples where people believe that they are the center of the
world, but I’m sure you don’t need more examples as we all have to deal with
these people sooner or later in a variety of settings.
Why do so
many people work themselves into a twit when life doesn’t go the way they
expect or according to their schedule and agenda?
Is it ego or
arrogance? Is it narcissism or
selfishness? Is it their stress level or
insecurity? Or is it just their need to feel important in some way?
There’s a
book here, but I won’t bore you with numerous causes or reasons for this
behavior, but I will give you four causes that I believe are at the core of
this behavior. But, before I do, consider – are certain mindsets, positions,
professions, age groups or different cultural backgrounds a contributor?
I’m not
suggesting everyone or anyone in these groups falls into one of the four
categories listed below, but I have come
to believe that the following tend to be indicators of how someone will tend to
approach life, relationships or careers from a position of – “control
obsession” (just made that up).
Low
self-esteem – Self-esteem is simply how you define yourself. With low self-esteem we will tend to always
belittle ourselves in some way especially in the presence of others. Out conversation will tend to be
self-demeaning and apologetic. I’m sorry
is one of our favorite phrases when we have a low self-esteem issue. The opposite is just as bad as when your
self-esteem is too high you will tend to approach life and others with
conceited, haughty, arrogant, snooty or puffed up attitudes. Either one – low or high self-esteem has its
drawbacks and causes us to, in some way alienate others.
A lack of a
patient mindset – A major cause of stress is impatience or the need for things
to happen on our schedule and according to our agenda. When they don’t well, you’ve seen how these
people can behave whether in traffic, a meeting or a restaurant. Patience is the ability to flow and accept
life. It doesn't mean you have a victim
mentality, but that you understand that stuff happens, that you often can’t
control. The key is to learn to deal
with what you can control and let go of the stuff you can’t
The need for
validation – Many people suffer from a need for appreciation, acceptance or
validation. In order to receive these
they will often make themselves the center of attention in some way. Whether it’s the way they dress, talk, brag
or just inject themselves into conversations or situations – their goal is to
be noticed and sometimes appreciated regardless of their status, position,
background or any other life or career circumstance.
Over the top
ego – We all have an ego or the need to feel important, successful, smart or
any other trait that sends the message to the world that we are better than
others in some way. This is normal
behavior. The problem arises when this
need becomes the single or major focal point of our life and we can’t admit
failure, mistakes, bad decisions or any other action that might make us look
unimportant, unsuccessful or just not up to other’s standards or
expectations. When ego becomes the major
life driver we will tend to create distance between ourselves and others and
send the message that we are just better or smarter than the rest of the world.
“Don’t go
around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing; it was
here first.”
Mark Twain
