Reflections

Our society has been promoting self-love and the idea of putting yourself first for a while now. I’m sure you’ve all battled with the idea of just doing what’s right for you vs. the possibility of hurting others. I hear why self-love and care is so important, but I also wonder where we should draw the line.  Where does self-love end and selfishness begin?

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Self-love comes from a place of peaceful acceptance. It is your ability to honor all your successes as well as your short comings. Loving yourself means appreciating who you are as a person. It means knowing how to take care of yourself, while also developing the capability to love others for who they are as well.

Selfishness is the lack of concern for the values of others. It is acting only on self-interest with disregard to the effects it may have on others.

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Loving yourself is coming to terms with your flaws and critiquing them constructively. It means you know yourself very well, and understand that all you ever need is within you. You do not find it necessary to stress or prove yourself to anyone, because you are at peace with who you are. Whereas selfishness comes from a place of fear. It is when you constantly feel the need to impress yourself and impress others. Selfishness is attacking others personalities and beliefs to satisfy your inner ego. Selfishness comes from the inability to love oneself. It may seem that a selfish person loves themselves way too much, but on the contrary. They are actually quite unfulfilled. How can you expect someone who can’t see the beauty of their inner-self to see the beauty in others and the world around them? 

The way I see it, a person that has self- love can give love because they have love. To create a world of harmony you must learn to love yourself and love others.

It's All About Me!!

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”


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Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive affect on you.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.
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At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.
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I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.
Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgement and make up lies about other people.
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You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.
Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.
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Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.