"Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart."

I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.

......

 

You know that feeling of finding out something you weren't supposed to know, or that you thought would never happen, and it's like this sudden huge wave of crushing betrayal comes pouring over you. And then you're just sitting there wondering, just wondering, why things turned out like this. Because they would have never happened in the past. And you wonder what you did wrong. You must have done something. But of course there's no answer, and you're left with nothing but a desolate feeling of emptiness and a loss of faith in all that you ever thought you believed in. You feel destroyed. Like someone casually stretched out their hand and crushed you with a single motion. Like nothing is worth anything. Like maybe you should have seen this from the beginning. And that feeling of not being good enough for anything or anyone resurfaces. So in the end you stop struggling and believe it because, after all, what else is there to do when you're drowning in a sea of numbness.