Our relationships are mirrors-who we choose, who we let choose us, how people treat us, how we allow ourselves to be treated, how we stay, how we leave, how we handle the hard patches and the good times-it’s all a microcosm of our own personalities. Every relationship you’ve had says something about who you are and what you want, even if (especially if!) the relationship didn’t work. Often, when a relationship fails, it’s even more defining and instructive. Each relationship gets you to a new place and can help you see what you don’t want as well as what you really do want.
Finding your truth by thoughtfully examining your past relationships is the only way to use your truth for better future relationships. What happened, and how does that clarify matters for you? What do you want?What are your deal breakers? Only you can answer these questions.
Relationships are like recipes. When a recipe doesn’t work, you have to do something differently the next time. Change the ingredients and you change the result. You take it or leave it—keep what worked in each relationship as you choose the next one, but learn to leave behind the dysfunctional parts. It takes some self-analysis, but you can do that. Anyone can.And if your relationship does work, learn to leave it alone. Don’t over think what’s good. Are you creating problems where none existed before? That says something about you, too.
My past relationships have consisted of what I sometimes think of as ill-conceived recipes. Each was missing something, or had too much of something else. Whatever your story is take a magnifying glass to it and look to see if there’s a flaw in your approach to relationships-how you started, how you communicated, where you’ve been, where you are now, and what it all means to you. What you find there can tell you everything you need to know about what you should do next-what you should take, what you should leave, who you want to be with..
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